Friday, November 26, 2010

The Hero of Black Friday



Warning:  This post is infinitely more enjoyable if read in your best dramatic narrative voice.  Think of Morgan Freeman narrating "Shawshank Redemption" or at the very least the guy who narrated the iconic film "A Christmas Story".  In any case, channel your inner radio announcer and have fun...

His day started like no other.  From the ethereal realm of dreams he was jolted awake by the buzzing of his alarm.  Groggily stretching forth his hand to hit the snooze button, the six-and-a-half-foot-hollow-legged man stumbled to his feet.
He was on a mission.
He was going to face his darkest enemy.

He was going to face the shoppers of Black Friday.

Wearily, he dressed himself in the cold, dark room.  Raised on the high plains of Montana, our hero refuses to sacrifice money to  unreasonable whims--like heat, but he would do anything for his bride, his one and only love.

The night before, she was casually looking at cameras in the pages of ads tucked into the paper.  She had mentioned that her camera had stopped working, and perhaps it was time to buy a new one.

“The perfect gift!” He thought.  For even though the girl refused to be photographed (she was stalked by her personal Paparazzi as a child) she had recently started a blog, and her camera was quickly becoming her favorite toy.

Quietly, he grabbed his keys, and shut the door quietly behind him.  “How bad could it be?  This is a small town, only boasting one or two major stores…there won’t be that many people to contend with.”

5:30 a.m.

Hordes of shoppers lined every aisle of the local office supply store which sold laptops and cameras by the cart-full on Black Friday.  Women, hair ratty from sleep, barked out orders to bleary-eyed husbands to “Grab that one!!” Pajama clad teenagers, ever cool, nonchalantly tossed colored ipods into their carts. The air was thick with excitement as the shoppers rode high on the adrenaline of the hunt.

Our hero shut his eyes, shook his head, and stood on line for a better part of an hour.  Finally, camera in hand, he fled from the store, or rather, ran for his life.

Back in his warm bed, as his bride slept peacefully by his side, he vowed, “Never again.”

Thank you Mountain Man.  You ARE the hero of Black Friday!


How was your Black Friday?  What did you enjoy most about the day?  What are your Black Friday traditions?  Do you run and hide?  Shop online?  Brave the crowds and love it?  


E-mail me at squaretoothedgirl@gmail.com or leave a comment or two here!  Please join us in celebrating the simple moments of everyday life!

3 comments:

  1. My hero shopped with me this morning. Since he is always up at the un-earthy hour anyway, I think it was a good use for him to drive me around. The only bad thing- had to go to his kind of stores and buy 'needful' things.

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  2. No Black Friday for me. Did it once for a TV only to find out the one I wanted wasn't even on sale. I hate, hate, hate to shop. Even for groceries and willingly pay the extra $$ rather than go through the angst and panic attack caused by those hordes of greedy, grabby people pushing, shoving and breathing the limited amount of air in the space designed to comfortably fit a fifth of the shopping population. I did buy a new iTouch online, but it was not actually on Friday.

    That is a fabulous photo of your Black Friday hero, by the by. He is looking very handsome and it is very film noir. Good job.

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  3. Oh what a great husband is he!! Personally I went to target, and another store and bought a tons of clothes it was great! haha..

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