Friday, November 26, 2010
The Hero of Black Friday
Warning: This post is infinitely more enjoyable if read in your best dramatic narrative voice. Think of Morgan Freeman narrating "Shawshank Redemption" or at the very least the guy who narrated the iconic film "A Christmas Story". In any case, channel your inner radio announcer and have fun...
His day started like no other. From the ethereal realm of dreams he was jolted awake by the buzzing of his alarm. Groggily stretching forth his hand to hit the snooze button, the six-and-a-half-foot-hollow-legged man stumbled to his feet.
He was on a mission.
He was going to face his darkest enemy.
He was going to face the shoppers of Black Friday.
Wearily, he dressed himself in the cold, dark room. Raised on the high plains of Montana, our hero refuses to sacrifice money to unreasonable whims--like heat, but he would do anything for his bride, his one and only love.
The night before, she was casually looking at cameras in the pages of ads tucked into the paper. She had mentioned that her camera had stopped working, and perhaps it was time to buy a new one.
“The perfect gift!” He thought. For even though the girl refused to be photographed (she was stalked by her personal Paparazzi as a child) she had recently started a blog, and her camera was quickly becoming her favorite toy.
Quietly, he grabbed his keys, and shut the door quietly behind him. “How bad could it be? This is a small town, only boasting one or two major stores…there won’t be that many people to contend with.”
Hordes of shoppers lined every aisle of the local office supply store which sold laptops and cameras by the cart-full on Black Friday. Women, hair ratty from sleep, barked out orders to bleary-eyed husbands to “Grab that one!!” Pajama clad teenagers, ever cool, nonchalantly tossed colored ipods into their carts. The air was thick with excitement as the shoppers rode high on the adrenaline of the hunt.
Our hero shut his eyes, shook his head, and stood on line for a better part of an hour. Finally, camera in hand, he fled from the store, or rather, ran for his life.
Back in his warm bed, as his bride slept peacefully by his side, he vowed, “Never again.”
Thank you Mountain Man. You ARE the hero of Black Friday!
How was your Black Friday? What did you enjoy most about the day? What are your Black Friday traditions? Do you run and hide? Shop online? Brave the crowds and love it?
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