Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Enjoy to the End

In my particular culture, the word 'endure' is a word that carries a lot of weight.  I often hear, "We must endure to the end!"  Somtimes said with eyes closed while the speaker emphasizes the word 'endure,' (as if that makes it more believable) the phrase has always bothered me; because in all of our endurance and making it to the end, we forget the joy that can be found in the here and now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that life isn't hard--it is.  But even along the most difficult parts of our path, joy awaits if we allow our hearts to be open to the possibility.

I recently lost my father after a long illness.  It was, and is, hard losing someone, anyone, close to you.  There were moments before he passed when I would think, "Can this please be over now?"  Not that I wanted him gone, but rather, for his suffering, and to a lesser extent our family's suffering, to be eased.

I live about four hours from my dad's home. With traveling back and forth, delegating work assignments and managing life, I was overwhelmed.  People would ask me questions and I would forget what they had asked before I could respond.  I couldn't sleep.  I seemed to spend my days pacing around the house (I work from home) and would begin projects only to walk away a short time later. My mind and attention were always over the mountains.

As he became weaker, I became more distracted.  Paying attention to the 'endurance' of my schedule and personal demands overshadowed my ability to find the joy in my days.  I was kindly reminded by a friend to, "just breathe" (at least once a day,) and to try and find the joy my journey.

Shortly after he went into hospice care, I was able to be with him for ten days.  It was a gift to be able to say goodbye, to laugh, to cry, to just enjoy time together.  For me, it was some of the most precious time I have ever spent with my dad.  During this time I was able to be still and just breathe.  This is when the labor in the birth at the end of this life, called death, became joy.

One afternoon, I was sitting on the couch with my dad.  The afternoon sun was streaming through the windows.  The house was quiet.  Dad was dosing, and I closed my eyes for a moment...grateful for time.I vividly remember breathing deeply in, and at the same time feeling a sense of peace come over me.
The circumstances hadn't changed, but rather my ability to deal with what was happening had changed.

Of course, the moment didn't last, there were other difficulties awaiting just around the corner, but then again, isn't that the way it is with life?  We can choose to focus on how hard everything is all the time--and it is hard, or we can choose instead, to recognize the gifts around us, and find the joy.

So yes, endure we must, if that's the word you want to use....but as for me, I will enjoy...
Enjoy to the end.

How do you enjoy your life?

Leave your comments here, or e-mail me at squaretoothedgirl@gmail.com be sure to check out the other A to Z challengers by clicking the buttons to the right!!

9 comments:

  1. I'm not too fond of the "endure" phrase. I'm all about the JOY!

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  2. PS - finding JOY in the fact that the cancer center has Wifi and I can surf the net during my infusion today :)

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  3. I really like how you describe it as joy instead of happiness. Joy can be lasting and is sometimes found through difficult times.

    Happiness is fleeting, but we always welcome it when it comes!

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  4. Loved your post; and totally agree with you! I find myself, sometimes, not breathing. We do have to remember to "breathe"; when we quit breathing we quit living. Thanks, Lisa!

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  5. Beautiful. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but you came out the other side, and now things will be better again ... until the next time. I'm your newest follower.

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  6. I guess I've been focussing on the enduring. Thanks for the reminder that it's time to think about enjoying.

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  7. I've always enjoyed doing things that I love, but having had and now cancer free I really enjoy all things even the things that are hard. When that hard item is finished I have a real feeling of joy. Such a warm feeling. I do think that you have to endure to receive that joy. When things get hard enduring to the end is the prize of joy.

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