Friday, April 22, 2011

My "S"quare Teeth

Once upon a time, there was a girl named, Lisa, who's mother was a dental hygienist.

Growing up, the girl and her family spent a lot of time in the dentist's office where her mother worked.  Lisa and her brothers were always brought in after hours to get their teeth cleaned; it had nothing to do with the fact that these siblings enjoyed terrorizing one another in public. 

Lisa learned many things there.  

She learned that a water pick can shoot water thirteen feet.
She learned that when her loving twelve-year-old brother shoved an open ammonia stick (used to revive the faint) up her nose while she was fully conscious, that her scream could break glass. 
She also learned that while her mom cleaned her brother's teeth, she could pilfer as many pencils as she wanted from the office drawers.
Then she learned that she could return the pencils after her mom found out that she filched them...

Growing up the daughter of a dental hygienist wasn't always easy.  While some kids got away with not brushing, life in our house revolved around it. Curiously, our family motto was, "Broken bones will heal, enamel is forever--Protect your teeth!!!"

Just as George Clooney received an actual M.D. after is stint on E.R., being the daughter of an hygienist actually enables me to practice dental hygiene. It isn't unknown for me to wax knowledgeable on flossing and decay prevention at dinner parties.  I can name 13 different different mouth related diseases at the drop of a hat.  I know what "geographic tongue" is. And if that wasn't enough, I have neatly packed emotional baggage (including floss) for my own children, to drag around with them for the remainder of their lives, in the teeth department too.

As a result of my childhood training, the first thing I notice about people is their teeth.  We assign people nicknames in our house according to the cosmetic state of their teeth.  I, of course, am "the square toothed girl," my brother is "Frankle" named after the GINORMOUS appliance our orthodontist fitted him with as a kid.  My other brother I refer to as, "dentes perficio" (he of the perfect teeth) as his behind never had to sit for hours on end in the orthodontist's chair.  My mom, is "Why-do-my-teeth-look-so-good?  That's-right, 'cause I'm-a-Hygienist."  My kids are "Diastema" and "Brace Face" and my husband is named, "Hot Lips."
What can I say?
He is the exception to the rule.

Recently I was at the dentist for my 6 month check up (no cavities, thank you) when my hygienist, who reads this blog, said to me upon opening my mouth, "Wow, your teeth really are kind of square."

True, that.

Diastema, Square Teeth &  Brace Face
(Hot Lips not pictured.)

Do you have a nickname for youself?

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  1. As much as I though Brace Face looked like you, she totally reminds me of Torrie in that picture!! And I am so calling your hubby Hot Lips when he hugs me at church from now on :)

  2. Watch out ArlaMo! That will stir the pot!!!

  3. Excellent. Now we know. I grew up in dental hell, with a brutal dentist. But, I have nice teeth. My nickname: Susie 2x4
    My brothers teased me INCESSANTLY about my weight (which was fine) because they knew I thought I was fat. I got even, in subtle ways.

  4. Go Susan!! Can anything compare to getting even with a brother? I think not...:)