Friday, April 1, 2011

Tossing It Out A to Z

The challenge:  Write everyday for 26 days consecutively (except Sundays) working by topic alphabetically.

The result:  26 days of writing on just about anything.

Except...this morning, I was all geared up to publish my first Tossing It Out post when the door bell rang.  I love it when the door bell rings, and so I raced to the door to find a local talk show host on my front porch with his camera crew ready to film my house for a segment on their morning show!

Mountain Man, with the help of my mom, Magnolia, recently ripped the aluminum siding off of our darling Arts & Crafts home, and painted every, single, square inch by hand.  We've been getting a lot of attention as we live on a rather busy corner in our town, and all the hard work has apparently paid off now that we are going to be on TV!

I am a child of the 80's, and like all good children of the 80's, believe that true success, happiness, validation and the solution to any problem can be found on television.  Wanna be popular in 1986?  Papa, don't preach!  Simply don black lace gloves, leggings, big hair and bright red lipstick...thank you Ms.Ciccone.

More recently though....Can't decide if you want to pursue med school or a career on the Broadway stage??  Easy:  Join the cast of Grey's Anatomy. That will guarantee that you are able to rattle off medical jargon like a real doctor, but you will also get to sing like your Great-Aunt Evelina, who always has a few too many at Thanksgiving dinner, and likes to strip down to her skivvies while she belts out 'Natural Woman' at the top of her lungs on top off the dining room table.

As a child who was devoted to television, I am now a proud parent of children of my own and an advocate for the "International Didactical Instruction On Television Society" or IDIOTS movement.  Our slogan is, "Why raise your kids, when television can?"

I believe that television is the perhaps the greatest tool we can use to instill family values, civility and compassion in our society. Especially if we abide by the lessons taught in any episode of The Bachelor. Which are, namely, that a woman's worth is based solely on how much plastic surgery she has had in order to 'catch' a man, and that there is no need to use your words to solve problems when you can simply pout your lips and cry a lot instead.

But what does my devotion for television have to do with the fact that the Square Toothed/Mountain Man Clan house will soon be on the local morning show and I will finally get the recognition I deserve/am entitled to for painting my house?

Nothing, because none of this is true.

A is for ad-lib...or, April Fools.

Diary of a Square Toothed Girl does not endorse nor censure television, morning talk shows, The Bachelor, pouty faced women who cry incessantly, Madonna, Grey's Anatomy, parents who allow television to raise their children, or Aunt Evelina who continually insists on bringing her karaoke machine to holiday gatherings...and for the record,  Dr. Hunt is way cuter than McDreamy or McSteamy.    

1 comment:

  1. hahaha this was great! You had me! I was trying to figure out which morning show?*S* April Fool's to you, too!