There's a heavy breather calling me.
I have no idea who it is. Apparently, heavy-breather can't follow the simplest of instructions to, "LEAVE A MESSAGE" and finds that exhaling into my phone a superior course of action.
They've been calling me over the last two days incessantly, and my machine (I know, I'm one of the last answering machine owners out there--and shocker, I don't have caller I.D. either) is filled with breathing the likes of which would make Darth Vader applaud, bionic hands and all.
I have a few theories:
* I have an actual stalker--not The Glider, who I know for a fact, is busy law-ing things as we speak, and therefore not calling me, besides, we usually communicate through carrier pigeon.
* The caller has amnesia. He has no idea he keeps repeatedly calling, thinking that this is the first time. How did he get my number, you may ask? It was written on a bathroom wall at the laundromat, of course.
* Breather may be worried that their own phone line might be dead. So they keep calling just to make sure they can get through, and that the world is still spinning.
* It's MI-5. One of their operatives is trying to send me a coded message. If I could just find a stop watch I could time the rings and decipher it.
* It really is Darth Vader.
The funny thing is, I know I could put a stop to it if I would simply answer the phone, but now I'm just mad. Darth Vader isn't the boss of me!
No one can make me answer my own phone!
I will not be bullied!!!
(Cue fist shaking at heavens.)
Vader, if you're out there, don't call me, I'll call you.