Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Glider

A few days ago, I wrote a post about my adventures at the laundromat.  I received a couple of comments, one from someone called "The Glider."  The Glider was one of my very first followers, and comments on posts from time to time.

To be honest, The Glider's comments were always kind of logical and therefore translated to this erratic and emotional drama queen as strange.  My coping mechanism was to just ignore them.  It seemed to work.

Until yesterday.

The Glider waxed informational about various facilities (bathrooms) in various laundromats he/she'd known.  Then, The Glider totally creeped me out.
He/she said, "You just happen to be extremely fortunate in your choice, because the grocery store across the parking lot from your laundromat has an excellently maintained public restroom right near the office supplies!"

My first thought:  WHAT??

My next thought:  WHO IS THIS FREAK SHOW?

My third thought:  I'VE GOT A STALKER!

At which point I considered (in no particular order) having a panic attack, locking all the doors, shutting the blinds or calling the local police department.

If The Glider was stalking me, complacently ignoring the weirdo was no longer an option.  So I decided to face he/she head on.  I went to his/her's blog and left this message:

You left some really disturbing comments on my blog.  If I know you, then no problem.  If I don't know you, then you are freakin' me out!  Name please??

As I wandered around The Glider's site, it occurred to me that I might know this person as a casual acquaintance.  Maybe it was someone from church or the community.

Ok, I thought.  If they know me, then they can laugh my frankness off, and if it is a stalker, then at least I've given them the heads up that I'm on to them. They can't scare me with their brand of crazy.

All afternoon I festered.  I took my son to his swimming lesson.  I sat there and worried, what if there was a dead rabbit on the stove when I got home?

*        *        *
My phone beeped it's text message noise.
The text read:
Lisa, I'm The Glider, I thought you knew.

It was my lawyer.

Now, of course, his comments are hilarious and friendly.
I can't wait for him to stop by again.
*        *        *

Post Script:
Before you think, "Why does your lawyer know where you'd do your laundry in case of a broken washer?" He and his family are dear friends of the Mountain Man/Square Toothed clan.

Post Post Script:
Everyone should have a lawyer bff.  It totally rocks.  And a  doctor bff too (for obvious reasons)--oh, and a policeman bff to get you out of tickets and a good mechanic.  But it's better to have a mechanic as a family member, then you can just guilt them into fixing your dumb car for free instead of actually paying them for their honest day's labor...sorry Uncle Fred.  


  1. This is one of your best posts! Your lawyer rocks!

  2. I think I've got the doctor BFF covered ;) but I am definitely in need of a lawyer BFF.
    If your washer is still on the fritz, you could always come visit me and use mine. And my bathroom facilities just have ugly wallpaper....just sayin'

  3. I AGREE! Next time Call a friend to go and do your laundry, we all would promise not to stare at your un-mentionables or creep you out!

  4. And here I thought you were going to discover that Glider was your mother. That would have been funny too.

  5. Angela, my mom is a techo-curse! She has the innate ability to crash every computer she puts her hands on, it's really weird. For that reason, she never reads my blog, which of course, gives me free reign to say whatever I want to, right? :)

  6. That is hysterical. I thought your Glider was going to be some crazy old boy friend, or H.S. buddy who became a druggy.

  7. Someone caused you emotional distress?! Let's sue the sue the no-good-s.o.b.!

  8. Sorry about that previous comment, I am just so enraged that I couldn't even type coherently - In my effort to tone down and take 'the bastard' out I repeated myself!

    We've got to get the creepers out of your life, and if you won't get rid of that "I'm Listening" on your forehead, we've got to take a different tack!

    All I need to get started is a Waiver of Conflict, 100% contingency plus costs if it goes to trial, and a retainer, just in case this guy is any good and we have to fold before trial - as a snake in the grass I need my money somehow! Right?

  9. LOL Glider!!! So glad you're just my lawyer/friend and not my legal action at this time. @Susan, an ex-high school boyfriend druggy would have been good too!