Last night, I went to see that movie with the vampire, the werewolf, and the human. You know the one I'm talking about. In case you didn't read my previous post, you can catch up here.
Like I said, at the whims of my pregnant friend, Rocky-Babe Boa, myself, Sassy Britches and Mrs. Marcus headed out the town to satisfy the latent need for vampire/werewolf media in our lives. As we sat down, the first thing I noticed was how loud it was. We were surrounded by 300 twittering (not that kind of twittering, well, maybe it was) teenagers.
As the saga unfolded and (bless her heart) the toothy mouth breather (I told you I notice people's teeth right off) girl walked down the aisle, Mrs. Marcus said something that made me laugh and then I couldn't stop. I was finally able to control my laughing with thoughts of the blessed Matt Damon, which can pretty much solve any personal problem I might have, including, (but not limited to) being chased by a black-ops subsection of the CIA, solving uber-difficult math equations, or changing one's own destiny by sheer force of will.
Anyway, my laughter began again in earnest when the group behind me said, "Man, she looks like #@%!" To which I wanted to reply, "Yes, dear heart, that's what happens when one gets pregnant with a vampire human hybrid." Unfortunately, as I'm not a vampire, werewolf or even human expert, so I didn't feel qualified to have a heart to heart right then, not to mention that the petite Mrs. Marcus was clutching me with all her mighty strength, so I really didn't feel compelled to school these youngsters on the gravity of performing a c-section on a mouth breather in one's own home.
In spite of the drama in the saga, the best part of the evening came as we left the theater. As we walked with the due-at-any-moment Rocky-Babe-Boa, we passed a group of teenagers who's eyes grew wide with worry and fear as they saw this very pregnant woman walking nearby. They stared, and then pointed, no doubt worried that a baby vampire might emerge at any moment. I caught their eyes, and then said, pointing to her pregnant belly,
"DON'T WORRY! SHE'S NOT CARRYING A VAMPIRE!!!"
Yes, it was a good night at the movies.