Thursday, April 12, 2012

Know the Signs: Kryptonite

Ah, kryptontie, you shifty, shifty element from the planet where Superman was born.  You were his one weakness, well that--and wearing his underwear over his clothes...but I digress.  Kryptonite was Superman's downfall at times, his one weakness that rendered him powerless, frail and human.

Knowing the signs of what causes you to lose your power and go completely weak at the knees is important so you can be safe, dash from the trouble, flee to your crystal/ice love shack in the Canadian wilderness and talk to your long dead father (who mysteriously looks like the Godfather) about the mysteries of chemistry, world history and what kind of underwear you should wear over your leotard while fighting crime.

My own Kryptonite is so varied that I can't possibly list them all here without running out of clean outer underwear before I got to the end of the list, but my primary Kryptonite is...wait for it.....I fall down....a lot.  No, seriously, I resemble a female, and much younger, Gerald Ford.

Sidewalks, paths, roads, steps, and cracks are my Kryptonite.  Gravity is out to get me.  I fall down at least once a day.  Before you think that I may have an inner ear problem, let me assure you, I don't. Once, quite recently, I tripped over a stray piece of gravel and landed face down in a parking lot.  It would have been fine if there hadn't been a group of people nearby watching the entire graceless act take place.

I've fallen up stairs, down stairs, sideways on the stairs, out of trees, off of horses, and getting ONto horses (don't ask.)  Just about anywhere where humankind can be upright, I've fallen down.

In fact, just this very morning, I was walking into my own backyard and the sidewalk leaped up and tried to kill me.  I was launched forward into our fence and would have surely taken out an eye had not the fence stopped my descent to the ground.  I ended up with two palms full of slivers and some bruised pride...again, but at least I didn't hit the ground.  And the worst part?  I can't even run away to my Canadian Ice Chalet lair because I would just fall down trying to get there.

I need a plastic anti-gravity bubble to protect me, because unlike Superman, who's Kryptonite can be hidden away in a lead box, my Kryptonite is around me ALL of the time.  Every time I stand up the potential for falling down increases.  Yesterday, I had to make my way down 3 flights of steep and slippery marble stairs several times carrying heavy boxes of art supplies.  With each step I would mutter, "Bent knees, do not fall.  Bent knees, do not fall."

I was actually tempted to go all toddler and sit on my butt and slide down, which would have been safer, but I was in a public building and just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Next time, maybe.

What's your Kryptonite?




31 comments:

  1. Maybe it's your shoes. I used to always fall when I wore certain shoes but it took me awhile to figure it out.

    Oh, I have mucho Kryptonites, too numerous to list.

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    1. I took comfort in that thought for a very, VERY long time, but I had to face it--it's not the shoes...sigh.

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  2. This is the second Kyrptonite post I've seen today. It's a good topic. My kryptonite is probably chocolate cake. =)

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    1. mmmmmmm....cake.

      Dang, now I want cake.

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  3. Maybe you should wrap yourself in bubble wrap... :)

    I also have too many kryptonian things to name, but one off the top of my head is negative people. I tend to let them get to me more than I would like...

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    1. Madeline! That's hilarious, I ALMOST picked my kryptonite as negative people--I'm with ya!

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  4. "I was actually tempted to go all toddler and sit on my butt and slide down, which would have been safer, but I was in a public building and just couldn't bring myself to do it."

    I would totally have done that - mostly because I'm in a public building.

    *~ MAJK ~*
    Twitter @safireblade
    A to Z Blog Challenge

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  5. I have an issue dropping things - I am only allowed to drink out of plastic cups and I own some amazing glassware that I am afraid to touch. I am 42 and I use platic drinking cups . . . yup - I rock!

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    1. Ladyface, if I had my way I'd drink out of a toddler sippy cup--those things rock!!

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  6. I think my personal kryptonite is possibly running around after my family! 'Mum will do it!' seems to be the assumption and excuse for not bothering to do anything until it becomes necessary (like abandoned washing-up threatening to become a health hazard). Mind you, this only happens with the male constituents of the household!

    My other 'kryptonite is red wine - if I drink enough of it I fall down. It has the advantage that I usually don't remember....! :-)

    Happy A-Z'ing!

    SueH I refuse to go quietly!

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    1. I hear ya with the family--although my men folk are pretty good about picking up...including me, when I fall down.

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  7. I think I know you...you are my granddaughter. Her 'Big K' word is Klumsey! Here's a Kure...The Balance Beam...a very low to the floor beam. Yep, one balanced step at a time over and over again until you can hop skip and jump across the length. Really, it's a Balancing Act that puts KlumseyKrypto in outer space and it's a great chance to wear sexy underwear with out fear of falling!
    Sue...CollectInTexas Gal
    AtoZ Family Tree

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    1. Hilarious! The funny thing is, is that I ROCK the yoga. I am a balancing QUEEN during that activity--it's when I have to move that it becomes a problem....ok, I'll get a balance beam...:)

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  8. that sounds like me although I don't fall as much, sometimes I can't walk a straight line & I don't drink at all. small creatures and snakes are mostly some of my Kryptonite. there's a long list of many others but I'll spare you.

    hope you're having a sweet day.

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    1. EW! I'm with you! Snakes are so horrific I couldn't even write about them!!

      Peace to you, Lissa!

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  9. Gravity is definitely my kryptonite.

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  10. My kryptonite-stores (aka shopping). I love stuff. I love mirrors, furniture, clothes, flowers, frames, beads, shiny things, all things that are pretty and cost a pretty penny. Just wave a sparkly object and I'm hooked, with my hand full of cash and stretched out in front of me.

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    1. Oh shiny, shiny objects! I love them too, Bex...:)

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  11. My Kryptonite is chocolate, which I gave up for Lent. Torture, yes, but I lost a lot of weight.

    Now I'm gaining it back. :(

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    1. I gave up chocolate for Lent too!! But, alas, I didn't lose any weight...I suppose I just compensated my chocolate fix with bread...;)

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  12. LOL, your post was so funny! Poor you!! My kryptonite would have to be Home stores. Anything home related I have to PULL myself away from!
    Great post! on A to Z,
    Bj

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    1. I am with you, Bj!!! Home stores ROCK!

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  13. Hilarious post!! Ok. I break dishes. All those dishes you gave to M and I for our wedding: all broken by me. The glasses embossed with the letter "H" from your father? All 12 broken within 5 years. 12!!! We only have plastic dishes now!:)

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    1. Better yet, revert to paper, then you never have to wash them again!!!

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  14. you're my second krypotnite in the Ks. why didn't I think of that one instead of Kiss?

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  15. By badly broken body. It's stops me from doing so much. Though 19 surgeries has made me very medically knowledgable thereby being a boon to friends and family when sick/recovering person care is required, it basically sucks to be me.

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    1. Awwww...well, look at it this way, at least you aren't humiliated on a daily basis when falling down in your own front yard on the busiest corner in town! See...things can always be worse! ;)

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  16. That sounds like a terrible problem. Maybe you need to wear a helmet? :)

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