Loonyism is a chronic disease in the town where I live. So knowing the signs of being insane are quite important for my physical safety as well as mental safety, 'cause you know, crazy is catching-- And just for clarification, I am not bagging on those with actual mental disease...most of the crazy people I know disguise themselves as mini-van driving soccer moms, zealous church goers, musicians or mailmen.
Take the dude I walk past every morning who is clearly drunk at 8am. We've shared some tender moments that have bonded us in a way that I will treasure forever. Words like, "BLEEEP!" and "You BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP!!" (What? This is a swear free blog...mostly.) With the creek bubbling nearby, the stench of his alcohol soaked skin carried to me on the gentle morning breeze, his words are really like poetry.
There's also the guy who digs through my trash every Saturday. I found him one morning while arriving home after spending some special time with my swearing drunk friend. He was methodically examining each piece of trash he took from our oh-so-clean-fresh-as-daisy-rubbish-bin and sorting the items into various piles of grossness. I won't go into detail, but have you ever seen your trash 5 days after you've thrown it away?
Take my advice: Don't.
I thought it best not to disturb him because if he was loony enough to think my trash was treasure, then I thought our business was complete, and I ran away as if the Zombies had finally come for me. (Which they will, friend, they will.)
Then there's the lady I met in line at the post office who invited me to see her baby being born. We bonded over her gang banger boyfriend and life's most pressing questions like, "Who do YOU think my baby's daddy is?" and "Do you think I can keep taking crystal meth while pregnant?"
Now this may be conjecture on my part, but what I think she secretly wanted me to do was go all Jerry Springer on her during the delivery and as her baby came into the world I was to leap forward from the sidelines with a can of spray paint, tag her baby and scream, "Take that BLEEP!!!" I think she thought it would qualify her to be a guest on Mr. Jerry's show.
What? You don't think so?
Annnnnyway, knowing the signs of being lOoNy is important so you can:
A) avoid them
B) screen your calls
C) prepare appropriate responses like, "We don't need your brand of crazy here" and "Run, kids! They're coming for us!!!"
So, know the signs, avoid the crazy, save your sanity.
What's the craziest/funniest thing that's ever happened to you?