Friday, April 13, 2012

Know the Signs: lOoNy

Loonyism is a chronic disease in the town where I live.  So knowing the signs of being insane are quite important for my physical safety as well as mental safety, 'cause you know, crazy is catching-- And just for clarification, I am not bagging on those with actual mental disease...most of the crazy people I know disguise themselves as mini-van driving soccer moms, zealous church goers, musicians or mailmen.

Take the dude I walk past every morning who is clearly drunk at 8am.  We've shared some tender moments that have bonded us in a way that I will treasure forever.  Words like, "BLEEEP!" and "You BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP!!" (What? This is a swear free blog...mostly.)  With the creek bubbling nearby, the stench of his alcohol soaked skin carried to me on the gentle morning breeze, his words are really like poetry.

There's also the guy who digs through my trash every Saturday.  I found him one morning while arriving home after spending some special time with my swearing drunk friend.  He was methodically examining each piece of trash he took from our oh-so-clean-fresh-as-daisy-rubbish-bin and sorting the items into various piles of grossness.  I won't go into detail, but have you ever seen your trash 5 days after you've thrown it away?

Take my advice: Don't.
Ever.

I thought it best not to disturb him because if he was loony enough to think my trash was treasure, then I thought our business was complete, and I ran away as if the Zombies had finally come for me.  (Which they will, friend, they will.)

Then there's the lady I met in line at the post office who invited me to see her baby being born.  We bonded over her gang banger boyfriend and life's most pressing questions like, "Who do YOU think my baby's daddy is?" and "Do you think I can keep taking crystal meth while pregnant?"

Now this may be conjecture on my part, but what I think she secretly wanted me to do was go all Jerry Springer on her during the delivery and as her baby came into the world I was to leap forward from the sidelines with a can of spray paint, tag her baby and scream, "Take that BLEEP!!!"  I think she thought it would qualify her to be a guest on Mr. Jerry's show.

What?  You don't think so?

Annnnnyway, knowing the signs of being lOoNy is important so you can:
A) avoid them
B) screen your calls
C) prepare appropriate responses like, "We don't need your brand of crazy here" and "Run, kids! They're coming for us!!!"

So, know the signs, avoid the crazy, save your sanity.

What's the craziest/funniest thing that's ever happened to you?



24 comments:

  1. But now imagine all those people you mentioned AS ZOMBIES! Imagine Drunk Guy and Trash Sorting Man and the Post Office Woman coming at you, teeth bared...yikes! :)

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  2. I know!!! Don't think I haven't seriously considered it!!

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  3. I hear you. I have similar problems in my neighborhood and I honestly feel like the density of loonys is extremely high in the town where I live. I've had people come up to me and go 'uhm there seem to be a lot of crazy people here?' yeah. I think the worst yet funniest one I see frequently is a guy who looks like Popeye if he was very old and had a beard. He always has a bottle in hand and always insults everyone in sight. I've witnessed him getting kicked out of several busses and stores. Luckily, most loonys are harmless...at least as long as you ignore them :D

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    1. That makes me wonder if we actually live in the same town as I feel that there is a high amount of insane here too...hmmm...of course, then there's the fact that in a smaller town that the crazy isn't diluted into the rest of a "sane" population so it just seems as if there are more.

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  4. My favorite one liner...take your crazy somewhere else, we gave at the therapist and we're still all stocked up here. Last night when the news reported that 1 in 4 people suffer with mental illness, I asked Hubby Dearest, "Well wouldn't that just make mental illness 'normal' and the 'normal' people the ones with the problem?" He just shook his head and walked away...I must have been correct!

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    1. You are totally right!!! I knew it!! Finally, justification!! :-)

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  5. You seem to run into more than your fair share of loonies. It makes for some interesting stories!

    Ellie

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    1. There is a disproportionate number in the town where I live...I think the nuclear facility nearby may have something to do with it....

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  6. I have been lucky so far, knock on wood.

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  7. While standing outside the subway station in King's Cross, Australia, I was accosted by a woman who was clearly crazy by your definition. Jim was returning cameras to our hotel room so we could go to the movies and wanted to save me more walking. I was just standing there waiting. She came up to me, flames shooting from her eyes and told me,"Stop it. You know what you're doing so just stop it."

    Needless to say, I was a littintimidated by this mad woman. That and the fact that it was gettin dark, Jim wasn't getting there, the punters were starting to show up and there were suddenly men everywhere.

    My acute powers of observation finally kicked in and I realized that I was standing square in the middle of the red life district by myself as all the dance clubs and peep shows were opening their doors for the evening.

    The woman who accosted me was making a deal with he first John of the evening. She had apparently thought I was working my corner and was letting me know she wasn't going to tolerate it. I suppose my frumpy dress and American accent clued her in I wasn't open for business. I turned to face the shop window behind me to avoid everything on the street only to find a porn shop. Thankfully Jim showed up just about then...

    It wasn't so funny then, but it was crazy funny about two days later to think that anyone would ever mistak me for a hooker. Buwhahahahah!

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    1. Hmmm....what would your hooker name be, D? I can't wait for you to tell me..:) GREAT story!!! Thanks for sharing it!!

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  8. Very few of them in the country I live in (Singapore)-- you get fined here for chewing gum-- so loonyism is way up the scale!

    Hope you’re enjoying the challenge so far!
    --Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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    1. You are SOOOOOOOO lucky. We could use some fines for the crazy...

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  9. I can't believe you are providing all of these public service announcements for free! Thank you!

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  10. Great post! I grew up in NYC, so I could fill this page with the crazy I've seen. Enough for a lifetime. That's why I retired to the country at such a young age :)

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    1. Oh NYC, you and your melting pot of crazy town! There's no place like it!!

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  11. That could happen to anyone on a bad morning in a small town or a big city.

    Liked your post, thanks for stopping by my blog. BTW, the grey is flattering. I read the other post.

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    1. Thanks! I'm just too lazy to dye it! :-)

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  12. Talking about crazy. I didn't realize my bag had fallen off the bike, whilst I was riding it. It's only after reaching home, that I noticed it was MISSING. I was like shduifkdmcmsoidmaoaodmcxms what just happened?! BLEEEP!

    Fortunately, one honest guy who found it, called me up and returned it to me that evening!

    Whew.

    Else I would have lost my wallet with my license, my college identiy card, journals and manuals!

    Heights of crazy absent-mindedness!

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  13. I can't think of a single crazy experience at this moment except for me maybe looking a little crazy! :) I will not go through anyone's trash and I don't drink but I do talk to myself sometimes? :) Great post!

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  14. When I started my job in a library (for reference, libraries are FULL of strange people) there was a man who kept is head on with sticky tape around his neck.

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    1. Well I could see how in some circles that's just plain old common sense...;)

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