Saturday, April 14, 2012

Know the Signs: Moustache

I know what you are thinking.  "Know the signs: Moustache?  Really, lady?  Not only is the name of your blog too long and completely impossible to remember, but you think I need to know the signs of a moustache?"

And my answer is, yes friend, you do.

You see, moustaches are only worn by pedos, adult film stars, 70's news anchor men (and women), Eastern Idaho Police Chiefs, Pedro (Napoleon Dynamite's BFF) and sadistic evil tyrannical dictators.  So knowing the signs of a moustache wearing man or woman, (far be it from me to participate in gender bias) gives you a fighting chance when approached by one of these people--because it's good to know who you're dealing with.

Of course there is an exception to every rule. The ONLY person, ever born of woman, who can rock a moustache is Mr.Tom Selleck.  There is something about my 80's upbringing and the Saturday evenings gathered around the t.v. to drink in those dimples, that just makes me smile.  Granted, his shorts were waaaayyyyyy too short as Magnum P.I. but at age 67, let me tell ya ladies, the man is still workin' it.  I think it has to do with the fact that his moustache allows his dimples to peek out like two rays of sun.

If you aren't convinced, take a look:


That's right.  Drink it in.


Ok, let's get back to it...

Besides Mr. Tom, there is no other human/gorilla/lunch lady who can carry off a moustache.  If you don't believe me, let us examine the visual evidence:


Ok, I know I just bagged on Alex Trebek.  He's a trivia GOD.  I like Alex Trebek too--he's smart, funny and quick on his feet, who wouldn't want to be his friend?  However, at best, his stache strains credibility.  




Hitler.  If there were ever a man who's facial hair dictated his entire personality for evil, it's him.  I'm not saying that his stache was the reason he was completely vile, but let's not be fools, it certainly didn't help.




Geraldo.  You want to me take you seriously....and yet...nope.  Not gonna happen.
P.S. Lose the shades.




Prince.  I want to like you and your raspberry beret, you know, the kind you find at the second hand store, but I'm so distracted with the weasel sitting on your upper lip that I just can't.




Saddam Hussein.  His moustache was the lamest since Hitler's.
I heard that his mother had the same one.




Edgar Allen Poe.  Appropriately creepy looking even without a stache, the author if such gripping tales as "The Telltale Heart",  "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" and "Never Bet the Devil Your Head" looks even creepier with a dark, furry caterpillar perched upon his lip.




Oh Mr. Hogan!  Just stop!  Even though you could throw me across the ring with your gigantic man arms, that crazy yellow moustache would just make me laugh as I landed in the crowd.




And then there's this guy.

Actually, I guess if you must rock a moustache, this really would be the way to go.

So, know the signs, avoid the stache.  Save your credibility.

If you had a moustache, what kind would it be? 

33 comments:

  1. Tom Selleck does rock... in Magnum, and when he turned up in Friends. Hubby has a moustache, but it's attached to a beard, so I guess it's not so bad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am TOTALLY with you, Annalisa! Mountain Man has a goatee so the stache attachment actually is dead sexy. (please say "dead sexy" like Mike Myers from SNL.)

      Delete
  2. If I had a mustache I'd wanna rock it like the last guy. As for my ladystache....unfortunately I can never get it to look that way :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know! I can NEVER get my lady stache to rock the curls either!! Oh the injustice!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've always appreciated the clean-shaven look best. Although, hubby has a mustache with a close-cropped beard. I think he looks younger and better without facial hair, but what can I do?
    Very funny post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mountain Man has a full beard at present--I like him all ways-bearded, goateed, although he's never had a moustache...and I hope he doesn't start now...

      Delete
  5. Tom Selleck is still rockin' it! On Amazing Race one of their tasks in, I believe Switzerland?, was to style the moustaches and beards like the guy in the last picture. I don't think I could have put my hands in some guy's facial hair! :) Another great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Touching other's hair should be against the law! ew!

      Delete
  6. Nice mustache samples!
    I like light mustaches on guys though- I find totally clean-shaven guys abit feminine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't mind the stubble look, I'm with ya there...

      Delete
  7. Staches rule.. especially on guys like Tom Selleck. ;)
    Great post.. just dropping by on the A-Z Challenge.

    Enjoy your Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi...I'm hopping over from the A to Z challenge...lovely blog...good luck with the challenge!

    Donna L Martin
    www.donasdays.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Donna! Nice to meet you!

      Delete
  9. You are SO RIGHT about Tom Selleck. That man has rocked the 'stache and everything else since he was put on this earth. He was made to make women swoon. And yes, I swoon.

    Marvelous, magnificent, masterful post. :-D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Merci! And MEEEEE TOOOO---mmmmmm, Tom Selleck.

      Delete
  10. And btw, I LOVE the title of your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  11. How do you feel about beards?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a good thing that I like beards very much, because Mountain Man is rocking the beard thing right now. It's short and *said in Mike Myers best Scottish SNL voice* DEAD SEXY. Of course, should he choose to grow it out and look like Santa Claus, then I'd have to leave him to run into the arms of Tom Selleck...'cause he's waiting...yeah, right. ;)

      Delete
  12. Hahahahaha! I loved this post. How about Orlando Bloom and Dumbledore? :P

    ReplyDelete
  13. No on Orlando, still looks like weasel, however, Dumbledore would rock NO MATTER WHAT facial hair he was sporting. Well played, friend. Well played. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh Hulk Hogan....I was not looking for more reasons to find you creepy! I don't know what my own personal 'satchel of choice would be, but I am terrible with product, so it couldn't be the kind with the wax on the ends...bleah anyway to that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol!!! I think I'd go for the point devil goatee and stache...I think I could rock it...

      Delete
  15. IF I had a moustache, Lisa? IF? I'm 51.
    I got one word for 51: H O R M O N E S.

    ReplyDelete
  16. By the way, one of your funniest posts I've read. Seriously laughing out loud at Hitler. (And no, you don't hear that sentence every day.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honey, I've got a stache too. I spent and hour plucking it this morning...;)

      Delete
  17. I wаѕ suggested thіs blog by
    means of my cousin. I am no longеr certain whеthеr
    or not this post is wгittеn by him as no one elѕe гecognise ѕuch exact aрproximately mу prοblem.
    You аre increԁible! Τhаnk you!

    Аlѕo visit mу weblοg http://www.linksbang.com/health/iherb-referral-code

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ѕpot on ωіth thiѕ writе-up, I аctually
    thinκ this website needs much moгe
    аttentіon. I'll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the info!

    Here is my web-site - http://www.edwardspiegel.org/easnuke/modules.php?name=Your_Account&op=userinfo&username=ToddYOD

    ReplyDelete
  19. Valuable info. Luсkу me Ӏ dіscovеred уour websitе unintentiοnally, anԁ I am surpriѕed
    why this twiѕt οf fаte did not tοok place eaгlieг!
    I bookmarkeԁ it.

    Fеel free to viѕit my weblog: http://www.wiki.imer.Gob.mx

    ReplyDelete
  20. Valuable info. Lucky me I discоvered your website unintentionallу,
    and I am ѕurprіsеd why this twіѕt оf
    fate dіԁ not took place earlіеr!
    I bookmarkeԁ іt.

    Also visіt my weblog: http://www.wiki.imer.Gob.mx

    ReplyDelete