Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Know the Signs: Pirates

I knew I was going to write about pirates all month long.  I had a whole thing planned about the dude who works at our local grocery store who may, in fact, be a pirate.  However, my reflection on this subject has brought forth some startling realizations.

I was reading, "100 Things You Should Know About Pirates" a few nights ago to my son, and it occurred to me that we (the Square Toothed/Mountain Man clan) ARE pirates.

Knowing the signs of your own piratetry (yes, that's a word...o.k., no it's not) is very important, because for years, people have been asking, and I guess I've just been in plain old denial.

I know what you may be wondering:  How do you know you're a pirate?  Do you live on a boat?
The answer, is no, we don't.
In fact, I believe that no human should actually swim in the ocean because there are creatures there that delight in eating human flesh, and I try to stay away from all places where that occurs (i.e. graveyards, dark alleys, forbidden forests, and crypts of the undead...because we all know that 2012 is the year of the zombie and the shark) so it's best to stay away for safety's sake.

But even with the fact that I don't live on a boat or go in the ocean unless chased by zombies, there is empirical evidence that I, and all my kin, are pirates.

For instance:

1)  Did you know that the Greek islands were home to some of the earliest known pirates?
 I'm Greek.

2)  The life of a galley slave was horrible.
I frequently force my children to work as galley slaves and they will testify, it is, indeed, horrible.

3)  The original buccaneers were drifters and they wandered around hunting wild pigs for food which they cooked over wood fires.
I wander around hunting for food (in the grocery store) and often cook my food on a grill, which we ALL know is the modern wood fire.

4)  Food was mostly horrid on a pirate ship.
I can testify that this is true.  Especially as my galley slaves minions helpers frequently make us eat things like "peanut butter macaroni" and "fish sticks and custard" on the evenings when they cook.

5)  In calm weather, there was little for pirates to do.
Summer vacation.  Need I say more?

6)  And if you still aren't convinced, here is the school picture of my daughter when she was in 3rd grade:



See?  Told ya so.

Are you a pirate?


31 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, Matthew. The funny thing is, is that the photo place wouldn't give us THIS photo. They thought it was a joke on the part of the kid and that the "parents would be mad" that she dressed up. The lady was kind of flummoxed when I explained that, "No, WE want THAT photo, not the one where she is all smiley. We WANT her dressed up like a pirate."

      That poor woman. She was so confused until I explained, "We're artists."
      "Ohhhhhhhh," she responded. "That explains it."

      :)

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  2. When my nephew and niece were visiting, I got them a bunch of books to read from the library. One they really liked - we read it over and over! - was called Pirates Ho! :)

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  3. LMAO! This is absolutely brilliant! I love reading your blog. You make my day. And yes, I am a pirate... but on land (I, too, do not believe that human should swim in the ocean and avoid all places where the dead might linger or come back) and we're called gypsies.

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    Replies
    1. I KNEW IT!! You know, my 5 year old BFF calls me "The gypsy Queen." now it all makes sense....

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  4. I have watched enough Jake and The Neverland Pirates that Reagan and I are bothe becoming pirates, or members os The Mickey Mouse Club House. I'm not sure which.

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  5. I think they might be the same thing...:)

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  6. yarr - ye be pirates, me hearty. Great pic - fish sticks in custard? Make them walk the plank I say!
    Lx

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    Replies
    1. I know. Sick. They cook badly so they can get our of it...:) Just like good kids should...

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  7. I love this! And the picture...classic. I would have wanted this picture too.

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    Replies
    1. I know! I can't believe they didn't send it to me the first time!!!

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  8. Your daughter is so cute!!! (Don't tell her that - I hear pirates don't like being called cute.) And you, dear Lisa, you are fabulously funny and I totally believe you're a pirate.
    As for me? The jury is out - but I do love Chips Ahoy cookies!

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    Replies
    1. but she IS cute! And about 5 years older now...sigh. And fyi, if you like Chips Ahoy cookies you are a pirate too...:D

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  9. Well shiver me timbers, I just might be, although an eye patch and peg leg would seal the deal. That photo rocks!

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    Replies
    1. Isn't it hilarious?? What was so cool at the time was that her 3rd grade teacher encouraged her to do it!!! (she was an artist too...) :)

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  10. Cute post! I used to feed my kids fish sticks alot and I don't like walking in the ocean since I'm scared of sharks and I know I'd be eaten by one! :) Maybe I'm close to being a pirate? :)

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  11. I sometimes see with only one eye, does that count? cute pic.

    have a sweet day.

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    Replies
    1. Even if you just find yourself squinting into the sun, I think that counts! :)

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  12. very cool, I din't know any pirates until today (why was your daughter wearing a pirate costume for class pictures? not judging, just curious)

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    Replies
    1. Good question. We knew that "picture day" was coming up and I always thing it's funny when kids dress up for picture day in nice dresses and suits because that's usually not what kids wear to school. I was encouraging my daughter to wear jeans and a tee shirt and them my husband chimed in with, "Well, with that logic she should dress up as a pirate..." So she did. :)

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  13. very cool, I din't know any pirates until today (why was your daughter wearing a pirate costume for class pictures? not judging, just curious)

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  14. I'm not a pirate at all. I'm more of a gypsy.

    Your daughter is a cutie. I would totally wear that hat. :)

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    Replies
    1. I was just told that a "land pirate" are actually gypsies. :)

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  15. I sometimes say: howdy buckaroo- that sounds like something a pirate would say - doesn't it? lol!

    Really, really cute story!

    http://bettyalark.blogspot.com

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  16. This pirate reminds me of a Julia (cooking expert) that I know !!
    FABULOUS!!!!

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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete