I was reading, "100 Things You Should Know About Pirates" a few nights ago to my son, and it occurred to me that we (the Square Toothed/Mountain Man clan) ARE pirates.
Knowing the signs of your own piratetry (yes, that's a word...o.k., no it's not) is very important, because for years, people have been asking, and I guess I've just been in plain old denial.
I know what you may be wondering: How do you know you're a pirate? Do you live on a boat?
The answer, is no, we don't.
In fact, I believe that no human should actually swim in the ocean because there are creatures there that delight in eating human flesh, and I try to stay away from all places where that occurs (i.e. graveyards, dark alleys, forbidden forests, and crypts of the undead...because we all know that 2012 is the year of the zombie and the shark) so it's best to stay away for safety's sake.
But even with the fact that I don't live on a boat or go in the ocean unless chased by zombies, there is empirical evidence that I, and all my kin, are pirates.
1) Did you know that the Greek islands were home to some of the earliest known pirates?
2) The life of a galley slave was horrible.
I frequently force my children to work as galley slaves and they will testify, it is, indeed, horrible.
3) The original buccaneers were drifters and they wandered around hunting wild pigs for food which they cooked over wood fires.
I wander around hunting for food (in the grocery store) and often cook my food on a grill, which we ALL know is the modern wood fire.
4) Food was mostly horrid on a pirate ship.
I can testify that this is true. Especially as my galley
5) In calm weather, there was little for pirates to do.
Summer vacation. Need I say more?
6) And if you still aren't convinced, here is the school picture of my daughter when she was in 3rd grade:
See? Told ya so.
Are you a pirate?