Monday, April 30, 2012

Know the Signs: Zombie Attack

The time has come my friends.  The most important post of them all: How to know the signs of the Zombie Attack that is sure to come.

First off, let me say, this month has been a pure joy.  I've read some incredibly wonderful blogs, met some new blogging buddies, and feel more connected with the world at large and people who love to write, read, create and find joy through their observations.  CHEERS TO US!!!  Gratitude to our fabulous A to Z hosts too!!

Now, let's get to it.

Without a doubt, knowing the signs of a zombie attack will save your life.  If you don't know the signs you will find yourself half eaten, dead and really gross looking.  This is why this is the most important post of the Know the Signs series this month.

The signs of a Zombie Attack include:

  • While rousing your teenager from bed, you look down to find that they've left their foot behind.
  • While looking at a small child, you see that when they sneeze, brains come out instead of boogers.
  • On your morning walk, you notice that your town is eerily quiet.
  • Instead of saying the "Pledge of the Allegiance" the 3rd graders to whom you are going to teach art chant, "Brrrraaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnsssssss!"
  • While standing in line at the bank, you notice that all the tellers are taking deposits in the form of fingers, toes, eyes, ears, mouths, and noses.  
  • While in bed, you notice that your husband/partner's flesh has become green with rot and possesses an unholy smell....or maybe he just needs to shower.
  • The agoraphobic neighbor you've never seen before has now left his house and is trying to claw his way into yours.
  • While watching the nightly news, you notice that while the anchorman was using his hands for emphasis, one fell off and bounced away.  
  • While brushing your own teeth, your nose mysteriously drops off into the sink...and you really don't care.  

Zombie Attacks are real, friends.
The last recorded one was during Watergate--think about it--Richard Nixon: zombie.
You can see, we are long overdue.

So, know the signs, buy a machete, run away.

How do you plan on surviving the zombie apocalypse of 2012?

 

22 comments:

  1. Or get a crossbow. That would work, too. Although, I'm not sure how good I'd be at shooting it... Better start practicing... :)

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    1. See, that's why I chose the machete, because I don't know that my aim is all that good...:)

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  2. Thanks, Lisa, for turning me on - - - to the A to Z challenge, that is :) It was fun! Glad it's over! Look forward to the next one!

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  3. Great post about a very important subject. I also posted about zombies on one of my blogs today.

    There are some very good ideas out there for how to survive the zombie apocalypse. I've seen a cartoon of a house surrounded with treadmills. I think that could work.

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    1. I'm totally going to buy treadmills now!!!! :D

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  4. I will likely be wandering around calling out' "Braaaaiiiiinnnnss" because I'm a late sleeper and I can't run. At.All. So they will likely get me in my sleep or while I'm trying to escape. Shawn of the Dead taught me that. Not much point in fighting it really.

    So I'm headed to your place to see what clever defenses you have come up with and to see how long you stave off the attack. I'll bring a few friends. We'll do lunch!

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  5. Utterly brilliant. There's been a few zombie posts but this one is by far the funniest. Loved it!

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  6. running away seem to be the way to go but really you're just avoiding the inevitable.

    thanks for not posting photos. I wouldn't be able to read this post if you did.

    have a sweet day

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    1. I just couldn't do the zombie pics...ew. Besides, anything in my mind is worse...

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  7. Funny! This is definitely one of the best zombie posts I've seen today.

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  8. My town is regularly eerily quiet *looking around, eyes wide*

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    Replies
    1. I know!! Mine too!!! I think the invasion may have already started!

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  9. LOL too late for the Walking Dead peeps but since I don't live in that world, this is good advice.

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  10. Oh man! I didn't realize it was going to be this year...well then I might not survive...rats! I am so glad I fund your blog during the a-z. I feel so informed...and entertained!

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    Replies
    1. It was nice to meet you too, Andrea!!!

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  11. Ha ha ha, this was great! Nice to meet you.

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