Everyday this month, minus Sundays, (except today) I will be blogging about a topic that has to do with a letter from the alphabet. Today begins with "A". But here's the thing: Yesterday Mountain Man and I were driving down the street when a HUGE red sign screamed out, "KNOW THE SIGNS! ST. ALPHONSUS HOSPITAL."
Know the signs? What signs? Presumably, it was know the signs about stroke, but the sign wasn't really clear, and it got Mountain Man and I talking about what other topics that it would be important to "Know the Signs" about. For instance, while it IS important to know the signs of a stroke, it is equally important to also know the signs of Claustrophobia, Good Driving, and Zombie Attacks. With this in mind, the next 26 days will be devoted to "Knowing the Signs" of various topics uninteresting to probably anyone but me, and Mountain Man, who ironically, doesn't read this blog at all, and my brother, Scott, who alone is responsible for at least three-quarters of my all time page views.
Annnnnnyway, let's get to it and Know the Signs: Accents.
You know you have an accent when people can't understand you and they keep talking to you in a louder voice than is appropriate for your circumstances. For instance, I know three Yankees in particular who mock my mom, Magnolia, who is from the South, on a regular basis. These three people should be locked up for the absolute rudeness of their actions, but my brothers and I can't help ourselves. It's been 38 years, and I can barely comprehend a thing the woman says. It mostly consists of sentences like, "Wayall, y'all need to cuhleen up yo rooms. Aham gonna hahv to bayke y'all in a spinach peye??!!"
I know, you have no idea what she's saying either, do you?
Anyway, accents can be tough to decipher, and we should all do ourselves a favor and "Know the Signs" of accents; they include (but are not limited to) :
1. Not being able to understand what someone is saying to you. Now, I will concede that the person could actually be speaking another language, but in my experience, language is unimportant. I can speak French as convincingly as a Qubecoise, but unless I speak it with a Quebecois accent, it profiteth me nothing.
2. If the person to whom you are speaking eye's are glazed over, perhaps YOU are the person with the accent...or you are my mom, either way, I still won't clean up my room.
3. If even basic instructions make you feel weak at the knees, or ready to commit treason, perhaps the person speaking to you is James Bond, who has the best accent ever ( it doesn't even matter which one, Connery to Craig they all rock the best accent.) By way of information, a British accent is also the reason I can't shop at our local health food store as one of the cashiers is a Brit and I begin giggling like a school girl for his utter coolness every time I am in his line.
Accents are important. Accents tell where we are from, where we have been, and sometimes, like the guy who works at our local video store who insists on speaking in a fake accent, where we would like to go. I know he really, really wants to go to France because he sounds EXACTLY like Inspector Clouseau when I know full well he is from Oregon.
On the other hand, who am I to ruin his dream? After all, we all have accents.
Alors, connaitre les signes, mon ami, et bon chance.
What does your accent say about you?