Wednesday, December 12, 2012

When Zombies Attack

Tis the season for peace on earth!

But apparently, not everyone's got the memo.

Take Monday night. I was standing in line at a Christmas concert when a woman (who was most likely a zombie) began yelling me, accusing me of cutting in line.

Firstly, it was a Christmas concert--peace on earth, o holy night, away in a manger, good will toward men...
Secondly, I had been standing in another line outside for an hour (with 200 other people) that wrapped half way around the block.
Thirdly, there were two lines but the yell-er hadn't realized this.
Fourth, she was probably having a bad day, because heaven knows if I got turned into a zombie right before the holidays, I'd be mad at the world too. But I can't help but wonder what it was about me that seemed to charge her so much that she just HAD to yell at ME.

Was it because she intuitively knew that I am a zombie slayer?


She yelled and yelled and carried on and on about "Cutting in line! The back of the line is back there! You just walked right in off the street blah blah blah blah blah...!"

Her behavior was appalling and rather un-Christmas-like, which is why I'm convinced she was infected even though she was quite eloquent for a zombie.

I felt I had two choices--o.k. there were probably more--but the two that came to mind were: run away, and slice her with a machete.

Neither seemed quite appropriate because I wasn't carrying a machete (I know, I know, how could I be so ill prepared?) And I didn't want to run away because I had just spent a half an hour standing in the cold. Also, I really REALLY don't like the slice-y part of zombie slaying which is why I try to only slay zombies with kindness instead.

Then a third option came to mind

I signed a clear and calm response to Mountain Man in American Sign Language.

And the zombie's face fell.

And Mountain Man translated my signing to her. But even he-of-the-calm-and-graceful-disposition felt put on the defensive because he translated my response to her into French.

"Je suis desole, elle est sourde. Joyeux Noel."
I'm sorry, she's deaf. Merry Christmas.

Zombie down.

How do you avoid confrontation with zombies? What do you do when strangers yell at you?


  1. I'm glad that you chose deaf instead of "Trudy.....stop roller skatin' around me!" LOL That would have still been funny....

    1. Stop rolling skating around me, Marcie!!! :)

  2. You are BRILLIANT!!! I wish so much I could think on my feet as fast as you always seem to do! Utterly fantastic. Slaying the zombie attitudes... like a boss! ;)

  3. Fan-freaking-tastic. Love this! You are a rock start couple.

  4. OH MY WORD, YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!!! Thanks for such a great story - I will think about it and chuckle all day long. Love it; love you! (Especially loved the line about slaying the zombies with kindness)

    1. Well, I had to choose a sneaky way to get out of her yelling at me because the Greek in me wanted to scratch her eyes out...:)

  5. Lisa, you slay zombies Like a Boss!!!

    1. Gracias! Now, if I could just knit like a boss!! :)