Welcome to the Mole-people-circus-freakshow.
In a strange and fortuitous turn of events, Mountain Man and I have never lived in an apartment as a married couple. Outside of college dorms, this is our first experience living like mole people.
Mole people? (You may ask.)
Yes, as in people who live right on top and underneath one another like moles. Also, it's a bit dark here in Portland, and that adds to the overall gloominess of living like a mole on the side of a hill.
Two days in, and I am convinced of one thing: I am not a people person.
More correctly, I am not a mole-people circus freakshow person.
Now, mole people living isn't all bad. It's convenient, economical, there's no yard work and when something breaks, someone else gets to fix it. On the other hand, we now live in a circus.
Above us, is Elephant Lady. Each night as she gets home from work we scream out, "Elephant Lady is home!!" Forty-five minutes of continuous stomping followed by fifteen minutes of door slamming make the pictures fall from the walls and we all duck for cover until it's over.
Really, it's a little like living underneath an earthquake....or an elephant...which is where she gets the name.
Then, there's our brand spankin' new next door neighbor: Humboldt the Horrid. Humboldt just moved in. He doesn't have a job--not that I'm criticizing, as a stay at home mother I'm at home during the day too--however, all day long I listened to the musical stylings of the worst metal bands of all time. Now, instead of just an hour a day of duck an cover from Elephant Lady, we get to enjoy twelve continuous hours of "Bombombombbombombombombombombbom" through our very thin apartment walls.
I will just state not so obvious now: I'm kind of an introvert. Most people don't believe this fact, but I prefer to engage with humanity on one of two terms: drunk (them, not me) or sleeping. I don't care for crowds and I only like groups of people where I know all the players. Think about it friends, how do you all know each other? That's right, you know me. (Muahahahahaha! *twirls mustache*)
I also married a man who prefers cows to people and would rather engage humanity through a video gaming console--which just for the record, I think is creepy.
On the other hand, we are here, and have vowed to make the best of it.
So...welcome to the mole-people-circus freakshow.
Wish you were here.
What's your apartment living horror story? C'mon, tell me every little thing...