Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Welcome to the Mole People Circus Freakshow

Hello.

Welcome to the Mole-people-circus-freakshow.

In a strange and fortuitous turn of events, Mountain Man and I have never lived in an apartment as a married couple. Outside of college dorms, this is our first experience living like mole people.

Mole people? (You may ask.)
Yes, as in people who live right on top and underneath one another like moles. Also, it's a bit dark here in Portland, and that adds to the overall gloominess of living like a mole on the side of a hill.

Two days in, and I am convinced of one thing: I am not a people person.
More correctly, I am not a mole-people circus freakshow person.

Now, mole people living isn't all bad. It's convenient, economical, there's no yard work and when something breaks, someone else gets to fix it. On the other hand, we now live in a circus.

Above us, is Elephant Lady. Each night as she gets home from work we scream out, "Elephant Lady is home!!" Forty-five minutes of continuous stomping followed by fifteen minutes of door slamming make the pictures fall from the walls and we all duck for cover until it's over.

Really, it's a little like living underneath an earthquake....or an elephant...which is where she gets the name.

Then, there's our brand spankin' new next door neighbor: Humboldt the Horrid. Humboldt just moved in. He doesn't have a job--not that I'm criticizing, as a stay at home mother I'm at home during the day too--however, all day long I listened to the musical stylings of the worst metal bands of all time. Now, instead of just an hour a day of duck an cover from Elephant Lady, we get to enjoy twelve continuous hours of "Bombombombbombombombombombombbom" through our very thin apartment walls.

I will just state not so obvious now: I'm kind of an introvert. Most people don't believe this fact, but I prefer to engage with humanity on one of two terms: drunk (them, not me) or sleeping. I don't care for crowds and I only like groups of people where I know all the players. Think about it friends, how do you all know each other? That's right, you know me. (Muahahahahaha! *twirls mustache*)

I also married a man who prefers cows to people and would rather engage humanity through a video gaming console--which just for the record, I think is creepy.

On the other hand, we are here, and have vowed to make the best of it.
So...welcome to the mole-people-circus freakshow.
Wish you were here.


What's your apartment living horror story? C'mon, tell me every little thing...

20 comments:

  1. I wish I was there! I drink, so I think you'd like me. I also sleep a lot.

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    1. You sound like a dream come true, Marianne!!!

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  2. There is nothing like apartment living to make one appreciate peace and quiet! Wishing you space to breathe. Om. (P.S. It's pretty quiet back here in WW, just sayin'. I'll let that go, eventually... but for now I'll just remind you of what you're missin'.)

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    1. Just keep it up, I feel loved. :) xoxo

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  3. Until a few months ago, Kraig and I had always lived in apartments and i enjoyed feeling surrounded by people. Kraig did not. There were some horrors moments for sure. I think the worst was when Kraig and I were kept up all night while the people below us were getting it on. I honestly tried for a good five minutes to think of a classier way to explain that last part...

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    1. Hahahaha!!!! I can just imagine your beautiful face trying to say that differently! I love it! xo

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  4. And that is why, after 17 years of mole people living, we purchased 10 acres of land. :)
    Love you, miss you and you can always set up a tent on our land for a weekend of introverted-ness.

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  5. Marvelous, what a blog it is! This website gives valuable
    facts to us, keep it up.

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  6. Great inspiration for characters though - you can just walk up and down your building writing notes!

    I lived in an apartment when I first left home, and I found it comforting that there were people around me - I was convinced I was going to get burgled every single night!

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    1. It's weird, Annalisa, I feel that too--the comfort of humanity--but also the horror...;) Hee!

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  7. Hi I am Yvonne from Arlee Bird's team of the A to Z Challenge, loved your blog and will certainly come again during the Challenge.

    Yvonne.

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  8. Oh my!my mom and I lived in an apartment when I was little...but on the top floor! (phew)

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  9. I haven't lived in an apartment since I was first married but I love to visit my sister who lives in an apartment. It feels very freeing to me; as in not having to fix broken things or do yard work; however, I don't know if I'd like it on a permanent basis. Are ya'll house hunting or going to do the apartment thing for a while? I know you'll find the most interesting stories to tell us! I hope you're adjusting and finding lots of fun things to do.

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    1. We are having a great time!! I have yet to cook a meal here--spoiled huh? :)

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  10. I am so sorry for your new situation and the neighbors.

    I was lucky until this current place to have past apartment experiences where I was on the top floor each time. And had decent thickness walls or didn't share walls with anyone.

    Currently, I too have loud upper neighbors (I will adopt the elephant name cause I never knew humans could walk that loud) and we have floors that creak so loud that you can't have a conversation if anyone is moving anywhere in the apartment. Annoying!

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  11. Portland is a HORRIBLE place to move if you're an introvert that doesn't enjoy living in the circus! Although, it IS the place to go for all of your "people watching" needs...
    I'm in Vancouver, and only go over to Portland to get smokes, shop for bigger purchases (because who doesn't love no taxes?!), and visit the few friends I have that are crazy enough to live there.

    I can't lie though. a mole-people-circus-freakshow sounds like a TV show that I could get into. I'd alternate between that and Hoarders so that I didn't want to throw everything I own in the garbage.

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