Monday, June 3, 2013

Here and Now

Last week I had a meltdown.
A big one.
It was the kind where you can breathe and you're crying and nashing your teeth and shaking your fists and the sky and everything is wrong and nothing will ever get better and all you want to do is dissapear or punch a baby (no babies were punched) and all you can think is, "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop."

It was like I was standing on the edge of a back hole and it didn't care if it swallowed me whole. I didn't care if it swallowed me whole. Nothing was right, and nothing ever would be again.
Period.  

And then...

Quietly, and lightly, the tears stopped.

Peacefully and fully, I could breathe again.

Gently, there was a little light.
And I slept.
And I breathed.

And I haven't figured it all out.

But it's o.k.
It's o.k. because hope is on it's way.

Good things are just around the bend and all I need to do is breathe, let go and find appreciation here and now.


How's your journey going lately? Are good things on the way to you?

“When we are forced to attend to the places where we are most stuck, such as when faced with our anger and fear, we have the perfect opportunity to go to the roots of our attachments. This is why we repeatedly emphasise the need to welcome such experiences, to invite them in, to see them as our path. Normally we may only feel welcoming towards our pleasant experiences, but Buddhist practice asks us to welcome whatever comes up, including the unpleasant and the unwanted, because we understand that only by facing these experiences directly can we become free of their domination. In this way, they no longer dictate who we are.” ~Ezra Bayda, from Beyond Happiness

28 comments:

  1. I'm kind of at the edge of the black hole right now, waiting for the peace to consume me. I don't know why, but it's just been a crazy past week. This post was great and gives me hope for brighter, sunnier days! They will come! There is definitely HOPE! :D

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  2. I have been there too. Often. Too often actually. I am always reminding myself those same things. Breath, Helen. Don't hold on so tightly, Helen. Let go a little, Helen. Enjoy what you have at this moment, Helen. I think I will be doing that for the rest of my life. Funny how we need reminders to just breath and enjoy. But we do, and that is okay. Love you Lisa.

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    1. I have to remind myself every day! :) LOve you right back!

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  3. I don't know what's happening in your life, and even if I did I'm pretty consistantly awful at giving good advice or motivational speeches, so instead I'm just going to glomp you in a virtual hug, okay?

    *glomps you*

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    1. I loves me some glomps. :) Gracias, chiquita!

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  4. Sometimes these moments can be very cathartic - a way of cleansing the body of stress :)

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  5. I'm trying to believe good things are on the way for me. I'm trying to let go of the oars and quit struggling against the current and let the boat take me where I need to be. I've just been feeling pessimistic the past few days. I've been struggling against it; trying to "happy thought" my way out of it, but maybe that's not what will help. Maybe, much like your paragraph from Ezra Bayda states, I have to accept the pessimism, look it in the eye and say, "I know you're here. I don't know why, but welcome anyway."

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    1. I think there's great power in facing it head on! I also think when I'm done looking, I'm done. I don't even think you have to think your way out of it--just choose a thought that feels better instead. When I do that I realize that it's be incriments that I move from sadness to happiness or from anger to peace. It's a process I'm sure I will have to repeat over and over for the rest of my life. :)

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  6. I am definitely trying to make good things happen. I hope things get better for you soon.

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    1. They are better already! I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you!! :)

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  7. I am looking for those moments in the day where I can rejoice. The others, well, they exist as well.

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    1. Isn't that always to way? Light and dark, good and bad, peaceful and not...:)

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  8. I'm currently doing very well. Hoping it'll stay this way for a while.

    And that things will continue to get better for you.

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    1. I'm so glad to hear it, Misha!! I'm glad there's good things in your river right now! :)

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  9. I think it's good to get the anger over with because if you keep it inside, it could get worse. I'm glad you're over it now. I hope good things will come your way very, very soon.

    have a great day.

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    1. They are on their way already. :) At least that's what I'm telling myself. :)

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  10. Oh, I had some fits. Now I am not only embarassed (slightly mind you) for the hissies but also feeling some shame for what they were over.

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    1. Don't!!! No shame, no regrets! All of life's lessons are good!

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  11. Well, now I just think you need to come back to Walla Walla and get another hug! xo

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    1. Agreed! But I can't tell you how soothing Sunday's blessed breakfast was. Like minds and all that jazz. :) Come. Here. Soon. :)

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  12. Sometimes a good cry or fit makes things better. I'm on the edge of a meltdown at the moment. Maybe I should rant and rave and then I'll feel better. ;)

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    1. Yes it does! Let it all out Sherry!!! WHAAAAAAA! ;)

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  13. I know the exact type of meltdown that you're talking about. Its something that nobody should ever have to deal with, especially if they don't have anyone to talk to or if nobody really understands. If you ever need someone to talk to or if there's anything that I can do, let me know. Feel better.

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    1. Awww, thank you honey. I so appreciate the love you share and send my way! xoxoxo

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  14. i am deciding to like my black whole and i am going to jump in, feet first. cuz- i dont believe in hell and heaven would be lucky to have me!

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    1. Let's jump together then, cuz I feel the same way!!! xo!

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