Last week I had a meltdown.
A big one.
It was the kind where you can breathe and you're crying and nashing your teeth and shaking your fists and the sky and everything is wrong and nothing will ever get better and all you want to do is dissapear or punch a baby (no babies were punched) and all you can think is, "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop."
It was like I was standing on the edge of a back hole and it didn't care if it swallowed me whole. I didn't care if it swallowed me whole. Nothing was right, and nothing ever would be again.
Quietly, and lightly, the tears stopped.
Peacefully and fully, I could breathe again.
Gently, there was a little light.
And I slept.
And I breathed.
And I haven't figured it all out.
But it's o.k.
It's o.k. because hope is on it's way.
Good things are just around the bend and all I need to do is breathe, let go and find appreciation here and now.
How's your journey going lately? Are good things on the way to you?
“When we are forced to attend to the places where we are most stuck, such as when faced with our anger and fear, we have the perfect opportunity to go to the roots of our attachments. This is why we repeatedly emphasise the need to welcome such experiences, to invite them in, to see them as our path. Normally we may only feel welcoming towards our pleasant experiences, but Buddhist practice asks us to welcome whatever comes up, including the unpleasant and the unwanted, because we understand that only by facing these experiences directly can we become free of their domination. In this way, they no longer dictate who we are.” ~Ezra Bayda, from Beyond Happiness